Reverb10: Day 31

Day 31: Core Story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Author: Molly O’Neill)

I would say that my core story is "experience". I sometimes feel like the reason I came to planet earth was to be a physically manifested being and to experience all the comes with this. This includes both the good and bad. I love physical sensations of all kinds (taste, smell, touch, sounds, etc). I feel I even have a unique relationship with pain and illness. I am a very emotional person, I feel things in big ways (both joy and sadness). I am not a sensation seeker. I don't go to extreme physical places for my experience. I feel like I am more interested in the experience of the every day.
I explore the experiences of my life in several ways. Self awareness is a big part of this. I see myself as a mystery sometimes and I can't turn down a mystery. I love watching my own behaviour and marveling at where it might of come from. Emotions are another big part of this. I see emotions as a guide map to things I can see right away. They let me know that things are good but they also let me know when things are no so good (our logical minds often have a hard time figuring this out). Most aspects of my life are filtered through self awareness and emotion, and ultimately through that idea of experiencing life.
The shadow side of this story is that I can over analyze all my experiences in order to understand them. Sometimes I just need to let go and just experience and let it settle deep down. I can also let my emotions get away with me just for the experience. I get swept away in the experience of the emotions. I can be super hyper because I am so full of joy and I can wallow in sadness. This sometimes gets in my way and can make other people concerned, confused, or annoyed.
I have chosen two themes for the year to come; showing up and adventure. I first need to show up in my own life and once I am there I need to experience it as an adventure. Both these themes fit well into my core story. I need to take my self awareness and passionate nature and use it to show up and experience everything as an adventure. I can use my two themes to avoid being over analytical and to remind myself to always moving and not get stuck in the moment (to avoid holding on to a moment long after the moment is over).

Showing up for my own adventure!!
Next year is going to fabulous!!

December Views ~ for a coming year...

December Views ~ a last round up

Here are a wack of photos for the last days of December Views...

~Beach Flare~

~ Highlight~

~The Compass~

~Sunlit Cedar~

~ Cascades at Sunset~

Reverb10: Day 28

Day 28– Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

To live more fully in my own life.
I will feel more engaged, happier, I will feel down less often, my thoughts will be more productive and working towards encouragement versus discouragement. There will be a flow, things will be easier.

Five New Things

1. Clean my space. I know I feel happier and that energy flows better when I live in an organized clean space. Over the holidays I have been really lazy (which is a good thing) and so parts of the house are excessively cluttered with stuff. Cleaning this all up will help me feel more interested in being engaged in activities around my house.
2. Make a list of "to do's" and check some of them off. Part of not wanting to be engaged in my life comes from feeling overwhelmed by stuff that I need to do. Sometimes it just piles on all at once and I end up dropping most of it and spend days staring at the TV instead. When I check things off a list (even little things) I feel accomplished and this gives me energy. I get positive feedback from myself that I can actually accomplish the things I need to do.
3. Journal more often. This is initially prompted from idea #2 because I often do a specific journal exercise at night that starts with the sentence "Today I...". I then make a list of all the things I have done that day. This is not particularly a list of things that needed doing. It could include things such as "laughed" or "ate christmas cake with mint ice cream" or "gave lots of hugs". It is anything that made my day what it was. On bad days this can even include "got out of bed" or "ate something". This idea extends beyond feeling accomplished. While I find journaling on a regular basis difficult, I also know that I find it a very good way to both dump stuff from my brain and to get deeper insight into myself.
4. Photography. My friend Darlene in this recent post at HippyUrbanGirl talked about how in times when her life was rough and full of grief that photography became a place for her to breathe. I feel like photography is becoming this for me. It is a way to document my life for myself in a way that I don't have to explain or justify to anyone. It is a place where all I see is beauty in everything my lens finds. A place to breathe. I've already decided to do Self Portrait 365, which will be both challenging and self reflective. Perhaps I should also gently commit myself to more photo walks in general.
   
5. Yoga. I have a yoga pass that I do not use enough. When I bought it I had planned on going at least 3 times a week. I've been doing yoga since I was 3 or 4 and it has always connected me to my body and calmed my mind. I always feel more stable when I am doing regular yoga and I enjoy the ritual of going to a class for an hour and a half.

Five New Thoughts

1. I will be OK. Cultivate trust in the universe.
2. I can do anything. If I put my mind to things I can achieve anything I can dream of.
3. I am worthy of love. No matter who I am or what I do, people do love me.
4. It is up to me. My life is actually in my control, not the control of others. My decisions for my life are just right, even if other do not think so. Ultimately it is me who should decide where my life will go.
5. Every day is a new choice for adventure. Each day I choose how to engaged with my life and I can engaged with a sense of adventure, joy, and love.
   

Reverb10: Day 29

Day 29 – Defining Moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)

I would say the moment that had effected me the most this last year was the 2 hour panic attack I had in my closet in June . I hadn't had a panic attack in 3 or 4 years. I used to have them on a daily basis and I had worked hard to change my life and change my thinking so that panic wasn't a part of my life.

Yet here I was, again, panicking in my closet (I always panic in my closet, it always seems the safest place to be when panicking). I had just spent that previous three weeks doing math for 8 hours a day (I was under a unreasonable time constraint to finish). It had been exhausting for sure, but what had gotten to me the most was my inability to do it. This went way beyond not being very good at math and missing some crucial early math education (thanks for that one shitty BC school system). It was almost like I stopped being able to learn at all. It was extremely frustrating. I could go over the same type of problem over and over and over again and not learn anything from one example to the next. I would make the same mistake again and again. I was totally blocked. There were several reasons for this blockage, most of which have since resolved themselves (more or less), but this blockage and panic deeply effected me for the rest of the year.

I didn't have any more panic attacks after that day. As usual with these types of things it scared me enough to make some immediate decisions and changes (I stopped doing math 8 hours a day for one). Yet it did make me disengage. I stopped participating in parts of my life. I spent most of the rest of the year feeling blocked, which really doesn't make you want to care very much about much of anything.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, to be in line with paths we have chosen for ourselves. I am still not certain how this last year fits into who I am or where I am going, but I do know that I want to be more a part of this whole thing called life.

Reveb10; Day 27

Day 27 – Ordinary Joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

While I get a lot out of spending time with friends and community I also deeply enjoy spending time alone. I think the times that I have spent with myself have been some of my most joyful this year. There are certain iconic moments that happen every year at some point that fill me with an overwhelming sense of contentment and joy at being alive.

• Sitting snuggled up somewhere with the cats, a warm blanket, a hot cup of tea, and a book while listening to heavy rain outside (knowing I am warm and dry).
• Putting on classical piano music and having tea and fresh baked goodies with the sun streaming through all the windows.
• Digging my hands deep into earth and then having all those little moments of tending to the garden as the plants grow bigger and bigger.

Reverb10: Day 26

Day 26: Soul Food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

This year I discovered deer. I have always disliked wild game, perhaps because I was raised a semi-vegetarian and never had exposure to wild (read "exotic") meat. But this year brought me into contact with lots of it. I have been blessed this year with wild meat. I have had yummy yummy deer, cooked and raw (even rendered deer fat, yummy). I currently have a house packed with native caught wild salmon (canned, smoked, BBQ, you name it, we've eaten it this year). I also have a freezer packed with gifted moose and elk (thanks to some of my lovely chosen family). Turns out I LOVE wild meat. Deer is my favorite, but all the rest is stellar too.
It is a very funny story with me and meat. I often enjoy conversations with vegans I know because I find that we have very similar beliefs about animals. I also find it absolutely fascinating that I come to a completely different conclusion about eating meat than they do (convergences/divergences of this nature always greatly intrigue me). I've tried to commit myself to a particular diet this past year. I haven't been totally successful, both from lack of access and simply caving to the norm. I would really like to continue on the path I started this year, particularly with my choices around meat and corn.
Heck, if someone like me can stop eating wheat I can do anything (it will just take me 6 or 7 years)!!

Reverb10: Day 25

Day 25: Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I went through all the pictures of me from this year and I have to post two. They represent my two favorite aspects of myself.



This first one was taken by my good friend Jeremy Williams (who also happens to be a most fabulous photographer) on the trip up to Emma Lake. I feel this picture represents my quiet thoughtful side, the side that looks inward to explore, and the side who listens well.




This second picture was taken by me. It represents the silly side of me, the side that will make you laugh, the side full of sunshine, smiles, and giggles, the side that talks in fake accents and makes up stories and songs about Styrofoam fish and multi-coloured kitchen jellyfish.
Oooohhh, it stings!!

Reverb10 Roundup

Reverb10 Roundup ~ I've been lax in my posting of reverb10 over the last week. I guess I have the excuse of the holidays and the large amount of baking and cooking and socializing I've been doing. So I've decided to just do a round up in one post.





Day 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elis)
I would really really love to hike the Juan Da Fuca Trail this summer. Going up to Emma Lake this last summer made me realize that not only am I physically capable of more than I believe but also that I love the way it makes me feel. My favorite place in the entire world is Sombrio Beach, which is part of the trail. It truly is one of the most beautiful places in the world. I have been going to Sombrio beach every year of my life since I was four. I would really like to do the entire trail. Now I just need to find a few people who are willing to come with me...

Day 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)
My connections with people have healed me this year. I have been feeling strangely lonely this year. My mom has been gone for 5 years now. When she first passed there were certain things that hit me and strong grief that I had to deal with. After time her loss has settled in deeper and it makes me feel lonely sometimes. I also have to admit that at the age of 30 I feel the lack of a family of my own. While I have hope this will happen eventually it also makes me feel lonely here and there.
Therefore, it is my connections with people close to me that has healed me of this loneliness. Especially my family; my dad, my nieces and nephews, my close friends.

Day 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)
Math!! I should have done a math course this year and I didn't. Math makes me panicky and this course was particularly panic inducing (I broke out in hives at one point when I was doing 8 hours of math a day). I would like to finish it for a variety of reasons, but I also really do not want to do it. It will take a lot of my time (that I won't have next year) and will probably drive me nuts (not to mention to tears). Only time will tell...

Day 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)
Trust yourself. Listen to what others say, but in the end follow what your heart tells you. Know that whatever path you choose you will be ok. Know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, you just need to set your mind to something.
I will tell the exact same thing to myself 10 years ago.

Day 22 – Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)
I think I have already talked a lot about how I physically traveled over this last year. I have also traveled creatively. Doing Vivienne McMaster's You Are Your Own Muse course was very inspiring and I have been playing with my camera quite a lot over the last two months. I have also been making lots of plush silly animals, which has been great fun. I feel like I have traveled far in how much creativity is part of my life these days.
I would love to travel to Toronto next year to visit family. It has been too long since I have spent time with my TO family. I would love to spend a few weeks there. I would also like to go somewhere really cool, even just for a week or so. Maybe I can find some really cheap flight somewhere next year...


Day 23 – New Name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)
I used to really not like my name. When I was 11 I almost changed my name to Liz. I have always had internet handles that were other names. Yet, the last few years I have come to completely love my name. I can not imagine being anyone but Brie.


Day 24 – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)
I would say it was a series of moments over the first two weeks of December. At the beginning of these two weeks I had finally stopped worrying about money. With the house on Pender now having sat empty for 4 months I had been in a panic about paying for it myself. I had decided to get a job next semester to make sure that I can get by financially. Having "a plan" on how to deal with the financial stress had allowed me to release the worry. With in two weeks of this sudden release of worry I got offered two jobs (both of which I am taking) and some unexpected money was gifted to me.
This is a further lesson that the universe will provide. I needed to come to some resolution myself (find a way to relax) and then doors would open for me.

December Views ~ Cracks and Light

December Views ~ Christmas time

Merry Christmas everyone!!
May your holidays be filled with joy.

December Views ~ The light

Setting the table for Solstice Dinner, celebrating the return of the light...

Reverb10: Day 13

Day #13: Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

There are a couple of areas in my life that I feel will need action in the year to come to bring things to fruition.

Career: There are fews things for this one. I need to decide where I am going to grad school (probably UBC). Then I need to work on getting there. I am taking a year off from school, so I will have time to write the GRE and apply. I plan on working most of the next year. Save up some money to pay off some debt.
Creativity: Commitment. I have decided that it is time to put some commitment into my creativity. One way I am going to do this is by doing 365. This is a project where I take a self portrait every day for a whole year. The act of taking self portraits will not be challenging, but doing it for a whole year will be. I have a hard time doing anything beyond peeing every single day for a extended period of time.
I also want to do more knitting (both for others and myself) and to continue with my current obsession of sewing. I want to keep making my plush creatures, but it might be nice to make some clothes as well in the year to come.
Clear Out: I need some action to help clear out my life. I need to get ride off a bunch of stuff, which involves organization and probably lots of work. Clothes and paper are probably the biggest jobs...

Reverb10: Day 12

Day #12: Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

I think I often feel a cohesive me in this way. I spend a lot of time in my body (literally). I think it is pretty cool to be a physically manifested being and experience all the sensations that come with this. I think this was why I was born a Taurus. I also happen to think that is why I came to Earth in the first place.

This year I think I have felt most present in my body...
When doing physical exercise that has a purpose (like I am going somewhere) and where I have to push myself beyond some internal limit
While meditating or doing yoga (with my eyes closed)
When indulging myself on really good sweets and lounging around in bed with flannel sheets and hot water bottles

Seeing that written out feels really balanced to me :) I know people who are only able to find happiness with their physical self in one of those things; crazy over-exercisers (adrenaline much?), over-indulgers (dopamine!!! yipeee), or people who meditate so much they wouldn't know a embodied experience if it hit them on the ass (I sometimes wonder why these people came to Earth at all).

Side note; Decartes was an ass.

Reverb10: Day 11

Day #10: 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

Gosh, eleven things...

1. Stress (haha)
2. An empty house on Pender. Rented by February=Less financial stress.
3. A legal husband. I need to have a legal ex-husband. Goal; official divorce before my 31st birthday. Last stings cut!!
4.That many clothes. Some of them need to leave my house.
5. Paper. Speaking of overburdened with stuff, I need to go through every single box of paper in this house and sort it all (15 years worth, ouch)
6. The merry-go-round repetitive negative thought parade.
7. Internal boy drama
8. Constraints and limitations (imposed by myself or others)
9. Drunken conversations with other scientists about anything other than science.
10. A messy house (I've noticed that I am calmer when the house is clean)
11. Stress (no, really, I mean this one)

This one was hard, and it made me realize that I actually don't often think about things that I need to get ride of. It is much more common for me to things that I want to bring into my life. This makes me happy. Perhaps I am less pessimistic about life than I thought...

December Views

Awkward Moments

Reverb10: Day 10

Day #10: Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

To not go after that boy. Enough said.

Reverb10: Day 9

Day #9: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

This one is a tie.

Jenna & Jamies Wedding OR Firemaker.

I've talked about both of these events in previous posts (obviously they were both awesome). Firemaker is a primitive skills retreat that I attend and help organize every summer. It is one of the best weeks of my year, every year. An amazing community forms in the week we are in the woods together and I come away being rejuvenated and deeply inspired to live my life in a better way (granola was the lasting result from this year's gathering). I also get to spend a week living with my most favorite small people in the world (my 2 nieces, 2 nephews, and my pseudo little brother). This year was particularly fantastic. The group of people who gathered this year just jelled really well. There was lots of spontaneity this year, which always makes a community thrive. The food was outstanding (yay Anne, best cook ever), and most everything went off without a hitch (a feat for organizing a week long gathering for a group of 100 people).
Jenna & Jamie's wedding involved 36 people hiking up a crazy trail to an alpine lake above the clouds. It was beautiful, stunning, and everything the joining of two people should be. There was so much love and friendship bouncing around that weekend. It rained like hell after we hiked up, but it kept us all cuddled together. Amazing and unforgettable.

Reverb10: Day 8

Day #8: Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

Well...I really have only one response to this question...

I am a goof ball!

Reverb10: Day 7

Day #7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I have been so blessed with community this year. I think my community is where I maintain the hippy side of me. It means a lot to be able to spend time with people who share my beliefs and values (I don't always find this in my scientific world).
As per every year, I again reconnected with a fabulous group of people at Firemaker, a primitive skills retreat that I attend and help organize. This year's mix of people was amazing. I met lots of wonderful new people, but over the week I also deepened my connection to old friends as well. This led me to spend the summer deepening my connection to my "Powell River Peeps" (Jenna, Jamie, Jeremy, & Cedar) and meeting even more new and like-minded people. Powell River was the highlight of my summer and I left feeling rejuvenated in human connection and full of inspiration.
Recently I have reconnected with a community that I have been a part of for five years now. I joined the board of an alternative school that I have worked at on and off for the entire time I have been in university. I will also probably start working there again in the spring. Again, it feels good to connect with like-minded people and be a part of a community that has known me for so long.
I have also greatly enjoyed the small community of my lab. There have been some crazy times (I've learned never to get drunk and argue alternative medicine with a certain person). Yet, the lab is also a place where I get to really let my brain off the leash as it were. I spend my days with some amazingly brillant people and the conversations are always really good brain food. There are more people in the lab this school year than last, and it feels nice to connect with the people I spend most of my time with.

As always, the greatest and most fullfilling connections in life are my family (blood and chosen).

In the coming year I would like to maintain and deepen my connection with all the communities already mentioned. This is a goal that is easy to accomplish as I have much love for all these people. I would really like to cultivate my on-line community this next year. I know that I need interaction and feedback around my creative endeavors. Connecting with other people on-line who are following a similar path seems like a good way to do this. Photography, knitting, and blogging are the three big areas where I plan to do this. I would also like to start going to the local knitting groups to connect with people in real life around creativity. Dragging friends out on photo walks is another place to cultivate this.

I know that no matter what happens in 2011 I will always have the support of an amazing group of friends :)

Hope

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops. ~Emily Dickinson~

Reverb10: Day 6

Day #6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

It being holiday time I've been making lots of stuff. I just finished a plush bunny and am working on a plush owl. I am also working on this lace shawl for my best friend Caelie. It is made in Bijou Blue Malabrigo wool, a most fabulous and soft yarn from Uruguay. I have high hopes that it will be done by Christmas. The last thing I finished was a cream coloured lace sweater that I had been working on for a couple of months. It felt really good to finally finish it. The next thing I plan to make is the family Christmas fruit cake, probably tomorrow. This recipe has been in my family for at least 100 years, and man it is good. After that comes lots and lots of cookies.

Reverb 10: Day 5

Day #5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

This has been a hard one to answer. I've been thinking about this for a few days now. My first instinct is that I haven't been very good at letting go this year. I feel like I have been holding on to ideas that perhaps are trying to leave. I know there is change coming in my life and I get a little jittery right before big change. No matter how good those changes turn out to be there is always something you are letting go of. Perhaps this was just the year to hold on...

December Views

I am being very inspired by several blogs these days. My current favorite inspiration is Darlene over at Hippy Urban Girl. Every year she takes the month of December to blog her voice in photos instead of words. She calls it December Views, and she invites other people to join her. I've decided to play along. I have been wanting to do some more experimenting with processing my photos. Therefore, I have decided that all my December View photos will be processed in some unique way. I can't promise that I will post a photo every day, but hopefully they will be interesting...

Winter Shine

Reverb 10: Day 4

Day #4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Creativity.
While I think that I was creative less often this year than in previous years, I feel like the times I did pull out my creativity that it was bigger, bolder, and longer lasting. All this creativity is how I feel the wonder in the world. When I am creative I feel like it opens my eyes to the possibilities and magic in the world. Or in other words, the wonder. My definition of creativity is pretty broad. Anything that makes me smile out loud while I am doing/making it or when I am done. Usually this involves making something physical and tangible (like, you know, "arts and crafts"), but it can also involve music, dance, or joy.

A brief list of bold acts of creativity I jumped into this year...

• I started writing songs this year. Even gained some fans. This is the one that feels the deepest. It connects me to my mom and there really is nothing like the feeling I get when dancing with my guitar.
  
• I threw myself some fabulous parties; a full-on Mad Hatter birthday tea party and my annual 1581 post-Halloween party (these parties involve lots creative acts to put on)
  
• I took part in Vivienne McMaster's fabulous You Are Your Own Muse photography e-course and took a ton of self portraits and learned a lot; about myself and photography.
• I started sewing again. Right now it is little plush felt gimpy animals.
  
• I started dancing wildly in public this year. I highly recommend this. I can guarantee that it will make you and at least one other person smile :)
• I knit (and finished) my very first whole honest-to-god sweater.
• I have recently taken to secreting little notes into strangers bags/coats/etc~my favorite and most used is "you are beautiful"
  

Reverb 10: Day 3

Day #3: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Cresting the ridge above Emma Lake.
After a hour long bumpy ride and a 4 hour crazy hike up a trail justly called "the stairmaster" I reached the top of the ridge above Emma Lake with my friend Jeremy. Only moments before we had reached the snow (still there in August) and covered ourselves in the fantastic cooling white ambrosia (it was hot that day). I remember sitting up on the ridge and looking out over the mountains. I don't think I have ever been so high up on my own steam (legs and feet I mean). I had been worried about the hike and the first 45 minutes were rough. My body doing it's typical "STOP MOVING" routine. Yet after a while (and some wild blueberries along the trail) my body quieted down. The rest of the way was fine. When I got to the top I felt so fantastic. The view was stunning, I could see for miles and miles (for the last time too, as it clouded over the rest of the trip and we lived in a cloud while we were up there).
That whole trip was a highlight of this last year, and cresting that ridge was the most alive I have felt in awhile.

Reverb10: Day 2

Day #2: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

(I am not particularly a writer, unless it be my blog, and even then, it is half pictures anyway. So, I am going to replace this with "creative", be it writing, photography, knitting, or making fabric gimpy bunnies)

Television. Watch less of it.
I don't consider myself to watch a lot of TV. Maybe 2-3 hours before bed of our current "show". This may seem like a lot to some people, and very little to others. In some ways TV contributes to my creativity because it gives me time to knit. I can knot away a nice portion of some knitted garment in 3 hours. However, I need to change this from a nightly routine, to a couple of nights a week.

REverb 10

I am a little late for the tea party, but I've decided to join the Reverb 10 for December. I am going to post a couple a day until I catch up with everyone else...so here goes.

Day #1: One Word

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

2010; Exhausting

Everything this year has made me tired.
I think it started with my inner struggle around my future. I feel as though I inhabit two different worlds sometimes (let's just be really simple and call them The Scientist & The Hippy). On some level I am ok with this, because I really enjoy both of them. My biggest fear is having to give one of them up, or to be sucked so deeply into one of them that I forget the other one exists. I fear not living my dreams. Giving up their dreams is what killed my grandmother and mother. I fear the same thing...
This mental struggle about my future has taken a lot out of me this year. It has made existence in both my worlds harder, from fear of losing them to fear of them becoming everything that I am.
This summer I sorta gave up. I realized that I could do bare minimum and still get by. I am not sure this option of living had ever occurred to me before. Problem is, when I do nothing I get depressed. This seems so strange to me because I love anything under the heading "relaxing". Yet, if I do too much of it, I slide into a strange messed up world inside my head. This summer I wandered straight into that head space not even noticing the "wrong way" traffic signs along the way.
Then in the fall I had some serious stress fall into my lap. Normally I would be able to handle it, but with my mental self already semi-ignoring the world I ran for the hills. Enter anxiety, my old friend. Sometimes the only way to calm myself down these days is to ask myself "are you ok RIGHT NOW? not five minutes from now, not tomorrow, but right now? are you going to die? Right now?" The answer to this question is always no. Which calms me down...most of the time.

2011; Adventure

I realize that to move beyond this mental place I find myself in (and to manifest the life that I want) I need to view my life and future with a sense of adventure. When you are full of adventure you can't be scared of the future, you can only be really excited by it. I want next year to be full of adventure. The simple kind. The complex kind. The spontaneous kind. The every day kind. Adventure of all kinds...

Levitation

Sometimes...you've just got to fly to make it there...

mischievous

When I took this photo, I was not feeling all that mischievous. It was windy out and very cold. I was waiting for a friend who was late and a girl in the parking lot behind me would not stop staring at me while I took pictures of myself jumping and twirling around.

There is something about this photo though...
Yes, I have that smile. Yes, I am peeking around a rusted old pole. Yet, it is the eyes that get me. As though I have just come from some devious magic or crafty prank. There is a sense of waiting to this photo that I love...I am just waiting for the next outrageous opportunity to come around the corner...

Bear Ears

My tiredness shines through in the moments when I am not smiling...
A cold day in the snow wearing my bear ears.

Walk in the rain

Sunlight in the tentacles...

Yesterday I didn't take any photo's. I spent the day buried deep in boxes of paper, sorting and searching for a single piece of paper I haven't seen in eight years. It is not the proverbial needle in a haystack, it is the actually needle in the haystack. We should all have to do this kind of thing once in our lives, right? I still have not found it, but I have many many boxes to go...
Out of the habit, I did not pick up my camera immediately upon rising this morning, as I have done every other day this week. However, as I was waiting for someone to arrive at my house, I walked through the kitchen jellyfish (see this post) that was full of sunlight. The camera came out and this is what happened...