So here I am, taking a coures that asks me to be a muse for myself. Today I realized that means I must treat myself like a muse. Well fed, lots of sleep and rest. Happy and healthy...
I had an emotionally intense meeting today. The beginning of a process that will most probably involve university officials and mediation of some kind. I am not looking forward to it. In fact, it totally stresses me out (which is part of why I have come to this place to end up at that meeting). The situation causes panic to bubble up from it's dark home inside me.
As I left the meeting I made the decision to just go home. I had made plans of productivity and "good student" inclinations for the rest of the day. But here I was, relieved, emotional, and suddenly just wanting to be in my front door before the sun left the sky at least one day this week.
So as I left the building out the entrance for the bus, I saw the most beautiful tree. Tall, strong. Yellow leaves against a brilliant blue sky.
I knew I had to stand in front of it and pull out the camera. I knew I had to smile and to tell the camera the story of my frustration, panic, and anxiety...and my need to look after myself and rise above it all. To realize that, in the end, this stressful situation does not matter. It is my happiness and health that matter. It is my ability to keep truly smiling that matters.
I love this photo, because my smile is real, but I can also see, just beneath the surface, the tiny bits of trailing stress. It is not quite yet an unencumbered smile...not yet.
Today I started to learned to treat myself like a true muse. Well fed (chocolate at home), lots of sleep and rest (curled in bed in my jammies right now). Happy and healthy too.
Giving myself the world? Well, I'm working on it...
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